Back in the Stone Age, giving to your child might have meant providing food, shelter and protection. Those needs are still there. Unfortunately, if you give in to every little want and need your child expresses, you are really feeding and nurturing a sense of false entitlement issues. It will lead to problems later in life.

How many of your kids are watching the TV commercials this time of year and you hear "I want that" oh "I want that"! Every time a commercial comes on I hear that from my grand kids.

It's important to keep in mind that parents and kids get some powerful messages from TV commercials and from society. Some of the biggest is "the more you give your child, the better parent you are. " this is the newest thing, it's what everybody's getting, if you don't have it, you won't be cool. Pretty soon parents feel obligated to give, give, give, or they are afraid that the kids won't be happy on Christmas morning. Very often we as parents are still paying for broken or discarded Christmas gifts well into the first of the year, and the kids can't even remember what they got.

When you child thinks the world revolves around him/her and you should just give to them "because" they have some serious entitlement issues and it's time for a wake up call.

Don't keep giving like that all you're doing is setting your child up for entitlement issues that later in life will make them a monster in your home. Always expecting to be given anything and everything they want or think they need. It's not unreasonable or mean to make a child earn the privilege of a new pair of sneakers or a new toy of some kind. Making them earn part of the cost of the item will also make them take better care of the new item as well.

I can't tell you how many ski parkas my daughter has bought her son because he was constantly loosing his coat, even with his name in the back of it. She finally got a clue and started buying the coats from the second hand store. Surprisingly when he wasn't able to wear the newest fashion of ski parkas he started taking better care of the coat with the promise if he could keep track of the last parka for two months and he had to pay for a portion of the new coat, then she would purchase a new parka. That was two winters ago, last winter he didn't loose not one parka.

I hear every day that kids don't appreciate what they have and all they want is "more" why can't I go to the mall with my friends and by the way I need some money!  We as parents have to stop the insanity, it will be hard at first but eventually your home will be a happier place to be.

I can save you a lot of money and frustration. I have parents tell me almost every day that they have either sold their home and moved to a new location, or they have sent the problem teen to live with another family member, only to have the teen doing the same old crap just in a new location within about two months. Now the family member is saying your teen needs to "go home" I can't take it anymore. Or parents have gone to the expense of moving and relocation with jobs and schools only to have their teen back with the same type of kids that they thought they just moved from.

First of all how fair is it to send your problem child to a family member? Do you really think they want to be the parent of a defiant teen? Being a grandma myself I can tell you that I have raised my kids I don't want to start over now, and especially with a  teen that is causing problems at school or at home. I want to be the fun grandma that the kids look forward to visiting!

Truthfully most teens that are sent to live with a family member will be "good" for a while, called the Honeymoon period. But eventually they will find the same kinds of friends that they are associating with now while living at home. Kids need to fit in, they want to feel like they are just like everyone else in their peer group. They will gravitate to kids that accept them right where they are at either in their behavior or in their schooling.The quality of your life is the direct expectation of your peer group. Think about the peers you associate with.

"It's not my child; it's those kids he hangs out with! when I hear that, I always say, "maybe that's so, but the reason he hangs out with that group is because he's similar to them. And just like you are saying, "It's those kids he hangs out with, those other kids; parents are saying the same thing about your kid, "he's the problem".

So don't sell  your house and move and don't send your teen to live with a family member hoping that they will straighten up when the peers change, because they will find the same kinds of kids in a new location.

The only way to change your teen is to find out what the underlying issues are and then work through them. Very often that takes an outside agency that has experience with dealing with defiant teens along with therapy for both you and your teen, so that when they do return home the whole family is on the same page so your teen doesn't just revert back to the same old habits and behaviors.

Remember that while your goal as a parent is to keep your child protected and safe, your child's goal is to be with people who like him.